k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
