you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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