i permit you to call me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So vagazzling was a success
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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