the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The feeling are messing with the penis
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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