Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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