i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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