My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
