If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
