oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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