I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize