she woke up with a sticky ear
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
