the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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