we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize