I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
