I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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