this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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