if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
