dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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