Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They have beer where we have blood.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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