Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize