mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
