evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize