wakey wakey hands off snakey
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
