it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
