If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
