It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
