im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
