Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
