Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
