I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
