Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
