1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
