You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
