he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
