There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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