So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
