So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
