New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
