new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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