I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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