matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
