aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize