Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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