Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
