you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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