Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
