Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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