i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
there's paper in my vomit.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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