So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
