she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
