Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
