where am i from again
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
