Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
