i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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