I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
