I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
