I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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