he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
