He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
