it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
