dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
