i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize