Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
