This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
