If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
