I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
