I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
