I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
