If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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