if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What drink are we having for lunch?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
