I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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