nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
