Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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