Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
