um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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