that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She bit a glass in half.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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