I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
