Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
