if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
