porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
