I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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