I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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