Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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