my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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