she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
