he puts the penis in happiness.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
