DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
