How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
