I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
