I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
