there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish I only lived at night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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