I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
