Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I believe in your delicious
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
