she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
