dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
