My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
