My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
