If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
