Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
