I cannot find my penis.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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