we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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