I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize