Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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