My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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