I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
