so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
