i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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